I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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