U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
