she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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