just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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