How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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