well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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