im holly from the hills drunk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
