did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
