Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
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Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
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She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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