As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
