I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
