how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
