heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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