i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
