dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
