my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize