I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
well you can't waste a boner
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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