i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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