I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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