This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
false alarm. still invincible.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
