sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
