He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
