My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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