dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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