): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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