3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
