im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize