Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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