This is the prime rib incident all over again
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
