All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
