Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
