It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize