I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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