They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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