I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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