it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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