mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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