For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
