We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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