On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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