the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
