My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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