have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have post one night stand depression
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