two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Randomize
