just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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