I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
