I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
