I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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