I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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