Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
