On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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