Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize