her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
