I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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