She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
