He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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