I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
