I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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