It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!