im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
