Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize