In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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